I was thinking this morning about all of the Christmas memories I have. I've been sharing with you some of the happy times with my mom, my kids and the kids in Mexico. I've also shared with you the traditions we are beginning to put in place now that we have our own home. It seems like Christmas has always been wonderful for me. For the most part, it has.
There was a time, years ago, when my children were living with my sister. I had some serious health problems going on. I was separated from my then husband and lived in a studio apartment next door to the bar where I worked. I wasn't looking forward to Christmas. My family wasn't really speaking to me at the time, I drank too much and I wasn't being responsible. I tried to tell them I was doing the best I could, but it just fell on deaf ears. Even the people in the "singles" apartment where I lived had places to go on Christmas. I had no where. I felt so alone. I left my apartment on Christmas morning and opened the bar, hoping there were others like me who would come in. It was hopeless. I closed up after about an hour and a half. I've struggled with depression for many years and that was one of the times I was at my lowest.
Christmas time brings out our highest and lowest feelings. That year, I was depressed and alone. I was just 25 years old and I felt like the oldest person on the face of the earth. I'm here to tell you that no matter how bad I felt then, it passed. The new year came and went and my life got better. I remind myself of this when I'm feeling low. Nothing ever stays the same. I'm grateful that those feelings passed and that my children came home and we got on with our lives.
If you are feeling alone and sad this Christmas season, I wish I could put my arms around you and just hold you for a while. I know it feels like it is thatbad. I won't tell you it's not. Who ever you are and where ever, I love you. I've felt that way, too. I know that doesn't help, but there are others like us.
Be blessed today, my friends
Penny
15 comments:
wow I rememebr the year i was pg adn had a six year old and my husband left me for the ocmpany homewrecker. not exactly good
Penny you made me tear up!!! I am so proud to have you as my friend!!!! I think sometimes things that happen in ours lives good or bad are what forms us in later years. You are one of the nicest, thoughful people I know :). Love you,
Betty
thank you and god bless
Penny~I feel you and I are kindred spirits. Sorry to hear you share the challenge that I have with depression. I wouldn't wish it on anyone; I'm not talking about the "normal " blues here, folks, I'm talking clinical depression. Of course Christmas is not always merry; there is such a pressure of sorts to feel happy, joyous and jolly. So what if your biochemistry is off and you just don't and can't? It happens every other time of the year too; I think it's just exagerated at Christmas time. What if you're poor and have no money for presents? Anyone who says that is just fine prolly never did without and never felt the pain of being one of the "have nots"--especially if it happened as a child. Anyhow I'm grateful for each day I don't feel depressed; in the meantime, I refuse to be ashamed of an illness I can't control. Hugs & blessings, Sassy ;-)
http://journals.aol.com/debbted/SassysSecondWord
Hi Penny!
Glad your Christmas' are better! I'm looking forward to your new picture! Yes, Christmas can be a sad depressing time too. I keep telling myself Be Thankful for what you have! I know the real meaning of Christmas. Sometimes tho all that doesn't help.
Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Darlene
I can remember sad ones too. They always passed
Some people do have sad Christmases, the time of the year makes people far more aware that they're alone. I hope you and your family have a wonderful time, you deserve it. Jeannette.
Sadness & depression are always heightened at Christmas, when theoretically you should be in the fold of family and friends, having a good time. Had a few Chistmas's I'd rather forget, been in the depression trough many times, but as you have already said - it really does get better. Take care.
Sylvia xx
Christmas is kind of a sad time for me. I too had a bout with substance abuse, mainly drinking and was separated from my little boy for eight months. I have him back now, and we are trying to build a life together but my estranged husband is still "out there" in his addiction and we miss him. I keep praying that he will find recovery and return to us. Folks in my "treatment" groups tell me to let him go. We had eleven perfect years of marriage until I was diagnosed with autoimmune inner ear disorder and had fluctuating hearing and was told I might go deaf. My world turned upside down. That is what threw me into drinking. My hearing is stable now but I have permanent hearing loss and am wearing hearing aids at age 46. I am trying to go back to college, better late than never.
I too have an interest in writing, and have had two stories published in national magazines. I will always dream of writing a book.
Merry Christmas!!
Life has a way of turning around. I always try to remember this when I get down.
God bless.
~Penny
http://journals.aol.com/pennietoonz/PennysPlace
I am very touched with today's entry. thank you. Dawn
Who would we be if we didnt go thru those times like that? I was driving home tonight from Krogers and a new song by Brooks and Dunn called "Believe" came on..have you heard it? I just bawled my eyes out. Reminded me of Jessie. Christmas always has a sad feeling to it for me, not just because shes dead but because of family issues. But i find a reason to be happy....we both know its not all about the presents.
LOVE, lisa
Penny; great entry. It is so true that this is the toughest time of the year for so many people. I think people have such a high expectation for happiness this time of year and when it doesn't come, then they are let down. That's why I'm striving so hard to keep Christ in Christmas this year.
betty
Oh, Penny.... I know exactly what you are talking about. When you are depressed, Christmas is the loneliest time of the year. And you are right, things can and do change. At the time it seems impossible that you will ever feel differently, but thank God, there is always hope for a better day. I know this to be true. Thanks for a wonderful and inspiring entry for those folks who are feeling less than joyous this Christmas season. Luv to you, Tina http://journals.aol.com/onemoretina/Ridealongwithme
Penny, I borrowed your graphic above. It was just an experiment, you see, and I was able to copy it into my journal. Could you visit my journal and see? Then tell me, should I not do this kind of thing? Is this like stealing when I copy someone's graphic? Is there a place you go to get these flashing graphics? Will you share the secret with me? I feel like a toddler in this blogosphere! Thank you for helping me learn how to "walk" around in here. I hope your back is starting to feel more normal and less painful.
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